Brain Assassin » musings

A Clash of the Titans

JC — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:39:10 +0000

Well, well, well. First they fuck up the original movie so that you can’t possibly watch it in the cinema and now they’re rushing production for the sequel. Of course, Clash of the Titans earned nearly $490 million world-wide thus making a sequel economically sensible, irresistible even. If you haven’t seen Clash of the Titans already wait for a better cut on Blu-ray or DVD. Want to know why the movie sucks? Head over to chud.com and be enlightened!

As far as the sequel is concerned, it looks like the powers that be are focused on getting the script ready for filming in early 2011. At least they want to shoot the film in 3D instead of trying a post conversion again. Blu-ray + DVD + digital Copy combo of Clash of the Titans will be out on July 27th. According to ComingSoon.net a sneak preview of The Green Lantern will be included. As if that would help the movie …

Disturbing Thoughts Haunting Me

JC — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:46:49 +0000

Here I am … in one of those moods. You know the kind of mood where you start thinking without being able to stop. Everything just seems to be made of questions and every potential answer – again – raises a bunch of questions. As if that wouldn’t be enough, I keep hopping from thought to thought with high speed. The last time I experienced an onslaught like this was more than two years ago. Well, back then these things happened on a regular basis. Now I don’t know how to handle it any more.

It sounds weird and most probably, it is. I don’t know why that happened earlier – even then it seemed to come out of the blue – and I don’t know why it stopped. I’m am a multi-tasking person and I tend to think on a few things simultaneously. Not that I could stop that if I wanted to, mind you. That produces some … interesting discussions when I suddenly change the topic in mid-sentence without recognizing it. The only hint I ever get is the confused expression on my dialog partner’s face. Noticing such expressions is another matter entirely.

Sometimes, I’m not good at that at all. No, that’s not true. Most of the time I’m not good at it. But there are these rare moments when I seem to know others better than they do themselves. When I was a youth it was completely different. Some time in life I must have taken the wrong path at the crossroads. Whatever I did or didn’t, it has turned my life upside down. I’d like to say that this scares the shit out of me but I can’t find the emotion to back this statement up. It feels more like … some sort of scientific curiosity.

I’m not even emotionally crippled but rather … slightly out of phase. Out of touch with the real world without living in a world of my own creation. Detached. Thinking back on how or when this came to pass, I am unable to pinpoint a precise moment in time. No, this peculiarity has always been part of me but I didn’t know it for what it was. Edgar Allen Poe’s Alone comes to mind but in reality this goes deeper than the outcast feeling as described in the poem. Anyway, I am quite certain that my close encounter with death plays a role here. By all rights, I should have been dead – all I came away with was a bad concussion.

And the thrill. In this unbelievably long second where I recognized with certainty that I was going to die something happened. I saw what most people refer to as the flash before their eyes. A life review. My take is that it definitely differs from what Hollywood likes to show you. It is not like a movie. It’s rather a quick succession of impressions, like pictures, smells and thoughts. Together they form a pretty impressive and consistent construct of your life that tugs on the most vivid memories and brings them to the foreground. I can’t really say what I felt at that moment because all of these memories are connected to one feeling or the other so I might be best described as a vortex of feelings. They were there, yes, but more like a faint echo of the original emotion.

Apart from that I experienced something that can only be described as hyperawareness. I felt like an overclocked version of myself. Like my mind was working at speeds I couldn’t even fathom before. I saw a fly standing almost still in mid-air, its wings ever so slowly beating the air. As if a filter had been lifted from my eyes and I was able to see the world with different eyes. I more felt than saw my own movement towards this sharp, rapier-like thing that was poised to hit me in the face. As fast as I was moving my brain did all the necessary calculations and prompted me with the – luckily wrong – answer: It’s gonna hit you right into the right eye and at the current speed it will dig deep into your brain, ending your life instantly – and you can do nothing about it.

In that precise moment everything just slowed down. I saw the fly. I experienced this life review. And then, something really remarkable happened. I felt … connected, more than ever before. I started to see my place, the connections between me and the rest of the world. The way I influenced the people around me and the impact others had on me. A working analogy would be gravity distorting space-time. A lot of things suddenly began making sense. Answers to questions asked long before appeared out of nothingness. It started as a trickle that soon became a stream of information and knowledge, surrounding me in ever smaller circles, ready to crash into me.

I never, in my entire life, felt more alive than at this very moment. It didn’t matter to me that I was going to die. Then came the pain. Funny thing because I actually saw it. It started out as a distant star that suddenly went supernova, wiping away all the wisdom surrounding me. I knew then that the spike had connected with my face. Next thing I remember, I was lying on the floor and my head hurt like hell. That damn spike had hit my outer eye socket (sorry, I’m not good at anatomy). I started to weep. Not because of the pain but because of what I had lost. I wasn’t connected anymore.

Ever since then I knew that something was different. The world had become a much duller place to live in. I couldn’t read people easily anymore. I had trouble to fall asleep for years. No matter what I learned it couldn’t quench my thirst for knowledge. I felt used and broken. I couldn’t come to terms with what I had seemingly lost. And, to my utter horror, I realized that I had lost the ability to suck up knowledge. It had always come easily to me storing information in my brain. That was the worst blow of them all.

Now, a little more than seven years later, I’m sitting here writing about it, unable to connect with my former self. More refined but still detached. Colder. Older. Unable to consolidate what’s going on in my mind. Filled to the brim with questions without answer. Moody. Filled with longing for something I can never have. Isn’t it ironic that I should feel so strongly about this one thing and this one thing only without ever feeling sorry for myself? This isn’t pity. This … is life.

Infotainment Isn’t the Key to Salvation

JC — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:41:04 +0000

Whoa, two days without an update. I can almost hear you out there screaming “What is wrong with you?”, “You promised!”, or “Don’t get a life, I absolutely need to read whatever you write!”. I do take my responsibility seriously. It it all about entertainment, isn’t it? Since there’s nothing of great interest going on, and I know it all – trust me, I take the chance to address something that’s been on my mind for the last 24 minutes. No. This is neither a hint at a certain TV show nor am I referring, in an encoded way I might add, to a particular movie inspired by Douglas Adams.

No, what I have in mind is about a certain term that has been in use for quite some time now: infotainment. Obviously, this word is the result of an artful coupling of information entertainment and refers to a mixture of news and entertainment feature. In short, it is a way to make hard news more digestive to the average Joe. Plus, to my mind, it describes a certain lifestyle where it is important to know every latest bit of information available on a topic almost always concerning so-called celebrities or cool new stuff in general. It certainly makes you look cool if you got the latest “intel” on something that others don’t know of.

I do not like this term and I do not like the way infotainment has sneaked up on us. This is no pure journalism but rather something the masses like. There, it’s out. This post is a rant … and, frankly, I just don’t get it. What’s wrong with hard news? If there is so much going on in the world, and there always is, why do we have to take a look at Jennifer Lopez’s offspring on the cover of the latest People issue? Those in command even paid a few million bucks for the exclusive pictures. Now, that is what I’d like to call tremendously perverted. I’m feeling so sick.

There is virtually now way to escape this madness, and a madness it truly is. Honestly, that just shows how rotten our society is. An observation by Will Durant comes to mind: “A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has first destroyed itself from within.”. There exists a paper (PDF, ~261 KB) that originated back in 2000 and describes how infotainment is a threat to democracy because of diminished interest in public affairs. I’m no doomsday prophet but I enjoy saying this: The end is nigh!

Christmas – Time For War?

Who Are You?

JC — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:03:35 +0000

Do you sometimes wonder who you are or are you done asking this question? It’s not easy to answer at best and it may not be something you’d like to speak out loud at worst. Even worse, the answer changes with you. If you once knew, you may not know anymore because you’ve evolved. I don’t regularly think of it but now and then people say something that prompts me to ponder this very question and it is getting harder and harder to come up with an answer.

Truth is, I don’t know who I am. Not for sure, anyway. I know that there is something dark in me. Still, I’m not an evil person even though people accuse me of being too detached. I fake a lot of human interactions because it is the easiest way to handle people. To give them something they can understand. Fact is, I don’t understand quite a lot of human … living. I don’t feel like others do. I see things … differently. I’m cold and remote. I’m charming if I so choose. No matter how much I think on that the answer eludes me. I do not know who I am. Perhaps I should start by asserting who I am not.

Seems like it’s worth considering. Right now, I don’t have the answer and I really wonder: does anyone?

Do Vampires Exist?

JC — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 23:36:04 +0000

That’s an interesting question, don’t you all agree? There’s no question that people have always been attracted to the dark side of the force. For that reason alone there are many people flocking to the vampiristic movement. You think I exaggerate? Just open your eyes. If you know how to look, you can see them almost everywhere. There are no real boundaries – not in a world that is connected by the Internet. So, without a question, there is a subculture that centers around vampirism.

Some people are attracted to it because they like the dark side. Others simply enjoy having power over their fellow humans (Just in case you’re wondering: That power is evident. I have witnessed some punks chasing after a quite beautiful woman who had the appearance of a goth. They had barely time to utter a few words when she bared her fangs. Yeah, right. Fangs! Both punks suddenly stopped, unsure as what to make of it.). Then there are quite a few who seem to get sexually aroused by acting like a vampire. Others are in for spiritual reasons while a few just like the fashion.

Intrigued by the scene I had witnessed, I started to investigate. I scoured the Internet for scraps of information on this growing movement and called in some favors. What I found out was amazing. There are many people who see themselves as predators. Some claim to see themselves as more awakened than the rest of humanity. These people tend to form a pack or, to use the correct jargon, a House. There are many clans and each clan (House of [insert something here]) has its own turf, so to speak. That clearly indicates that members of these Houses show a territorial behavior.

Still, there’s more to it. Apparently, these clans are quite similar to secret organizations. As such each House has its own rituals. There’s an initiation ritual in which a single person is challenged and has to rise to it to become a member of one of these families. If they don’t fail, which I hear doesn’t happen too often (which in turn speaks for a pretty rigorous preselection), they will be treated with respect within the community. Anyway, every House has its own rituals inspired by ancient societies from Europe. That’s where Dracula’s from.

It seems that the line between fiction and reality is very thin within the scene. I don’t wanna really know how many people feel attracted to it because of Blade, Bram Stoker, or Anne Rice. I have to admit that it seems tempting. If they would possess supernatural powers, if they could really grow insanely strong by drinking your blood (there can be no doubt that there are rituals where the drinking of blood is involved), well, it would be tempting to pay a visit to this underground culture. But then, vampirism and sex have always gone well together, haven’t they? Almost every vampire novel has more than a fair share of sexual adventures in it.

Why not? Sex sells. That’s a fact. There are more people out there who would shiver with suppressed lust with the thought of plunging their (artificial) fangs into the soft flesh of a virgin than you or I know. As attractive as it might seem to some, there are structures within this subculture. Like in our world there are hidden agendas and people who seek to instrumentalize others without their knowing. Even a vampire movement isn’t free of leaders who devise ceremonial magics to enthrall the innocent. On a side note: I managed to get the impression that most participants in this movement try to distance themselves from the movies and books. Unfortunately, there are extremists everywhere.

What to think about it? I’ve heard reports of people who just want to express themselves. I’ve heard of folks who like to impress others with their carnal looks. I’ve read of a very few who pushed the envelope by killing innocent people to drink their blood and eat there body parts. I’ve watched many documentaries covering vampirism and related sects. I know a hand full of people who are to a certain degree involved into this movement. I don’t really know what to think about them. But I know one thing for sure: I too am a predator if I have to be.

No related posts.

I am.

JC — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:57:20 +0000

What do you make of that? It definitely unlocks lots of possibilities. I could add a little descriptive adjective like ‘sick’. And it would be true. Once again my good old acquaintance viral infection is lodging with me and I was forced to take some sick days. Best of all, I got sick on the first day of my vacation which took place under the motto ‘wellness’. No need to mention that I didn’t break off my vacation but I didn’t do all that much wellness either.

Regardless of how hard life tries to push me down I could state that I am happy. I’m not feeling all that bad – just a massive cold, a little coughing, lots of sneezing, and I’m aching all over, mostly head and stomach (sometimes simultaneously and sometimes in sequence but hey, that’s no big deal). It’s just a different form of being on leave and having time for oneself. I could as well say that I am content. Satisfied. Hungry. Open-minded. Legend (just kidding). I dare not expand beyond adjective, possibilities increase by some order of magnitude.

No, it’s enough to say that I am. I am is good enough for now.

I spent a few days at home

Christmas – Time For War?

JC — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 22:59:51 +0000

Christmas is almost upon us and the shops tend to be so damn crowded that you can’t even walk in without bumping into a few persons. Did I mention that I hate crowded places? Anyway, it’s the same wherever you go. I for one can’t even buy books online – mighty Amazon just isn’t able to deliver within a reasonable time-frame. The books don’t matter, I wouldn’t dare buying Christmas presents on Amazon only a few days before the great day.

Unfortunately, I still need to buy a couple presents. In other words: I have to wage a full-blown war. Yes, that’s right. I will have to battle other last-minute shoppers like me to get the stuff I need. I just hope I don’t have to engage too many foes lest they overwhelm me and take what’s rightfully mine. Now I will go and meditate to get into the right state of mind for the battle that is ahead because I believe Sun-Tzu was right when he said that “victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win”. Wish me luck!

No related posts.

I spent a few days at home

JC — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 09:31:08 +0000

Well, I didn’t write anything last week. That’s because I didn’t really feel well and I was even forced to take a few sick days, thanks to a viral infection. In fact, I didn’t even do all that much besides sleeping, watching TV and playing Diablo II. I can’t quite explain why but that old game still is my favorite game when being sick. Anyway, during the next few days I’m gonna write a few things about my time in Hungary and I’ll even publish some photos. Not I made lots of photographs. Anyway, today’s my first day at work for well over one week and I’m still not feeling all that well. Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot of work waiting for me and I got no motivation whatsoever …

Frontiers

JC — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 13:56:21 +0000

Deus Ex is a game, I really, really loved. Still do, in fact. Back then it was groundbreaking. I didn’t like the successor, Deus Ex: Invisible Wars, though. They fucked up because the tried to use the same code base on two different systems: on a console and on a PC. Of course, for PC gamers it really sucked hard. Leaving all the gameplay issues aside, the story wasn’t a bummer either. And still … there’s one phrase that still sticks in my head: “The only frontier that has ever existed is the self.“.

I tend to believe that this saying is true. Even though it was issued by a fictional artificial intelligence called Helios in the second installment of Deus Ex. Humankind has come a long way since the dawn of humanity. We’ve made some progress and all just because of a few good men who continually pushed the envelope. We’re right here, we consider ourselves mostly civilized and we massively use technology to achieve great things. In the end, it’s always about pushing, about trying harder than ever before, about sensing out the frontiers.

What is it that drives us? Is it purpose, that drives us? Purpose that pulls us, that guides us? If so, you would like to ask “To what end?”, wouldn’t you? Are we talking about some kind of mechanism of evolution? Do we like to grow up by constantly testing ourselves? One thing’s for sure – not everyone is driven by it. I for one can’t resist to expend myself until I reach my limits. And more often than not I like to go beyond. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s easy. Whatever the efforts; if I can reach beyond I push the frontiers. And every time it makes me feel proud.

Afterwards, something always is different than before. I can’t possibly describe it but I think it’s a slight shift in perception. Things seem to be a little different even though they look the same, almost as if I’m looking at them from a different angle. It’s a weird experience to make but it is more satisfying than sex. So, if I can constantly push it, how far can I go before I break? What limitations can I overcome if I push hard enough? I’m not afraid of breaking. I’m afraid of what lies beyond? What can a human become if he pushes in the right direction?

No related posts.

Aliens. Again.

JC — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 11:59:57 +0000

“Oh no”, you sigh. Not again. But here I am writing about aliens. At least, it has nothing to do with the TV show Aliens in America. And, for your sake, it’s short too. Since I was reading a lot from Charles Stross as of lately, I just had to think about it. What’s the hallmark of an advanced civilization? While philosophers might argue this point to death, it involves a certain technological advancement. Just imagine a highly technologically advanced species who can do wonders with its technology. If we can’t see the technology, would we fall for them if they state that they’re our Gods?

Anyway, that’s not what I was thinking about. I went along the lines of “how would they explore the universe”? Even if they got ships that are able to move faster than light (FTL), cosmos is a really big place and it’s getting bigger every second. So, how would they go about it? I for myself would opt for self-replicating robots. They would be perfect for that kind of task. You start sending a bunch of them out into space and then you lean back and wait for results coming in. If they can move faster than light, they wouldn’t have to wait all that long, would they? If they can’t, they’d cover more ground in the most efficient way possible. Their robots would have resources aplenty, whatever they’d need to fuel their replicating and journeying.

I wonder if that’s the first sign of higher life-forms on other planets we will discover. To me, it sounds completely logical. If you’re an avid watcher of Stargate, be it SG-1 or Atlantis, then you are already familiar with the concept of replicators. Anyhow, I wouldn’t assume they’d look anywhere near the same. Well, it’s nothing more than a mind game but I can’t stop thinking about it.